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Buzzkill French Government Says Cocaine Doesn’t Cure Coronavirus

on March 10, 2020, 10:48am

In January, Internet meme-scientists discovered a cure for the novel coronavirus: cocaine. With pictures of white powder that said “Breaking News”, and without the burden of links or citations, these meme-scientists made a pretty stimulating case. Well-informed people leapt into action, attempting to make themselves better, or, if they hadn’t been exposed to Covid-19, at least taking preventative measures. Now, the French government has issued an official statement saying that cocaine is not a coronavirus cure, which is honestly pretty lame of them, considering lots of people only needed a little more cure right now.

France crossed the line, so to speak, on Saturday, when the Ministry for Solidarity and Health tweeted, “Non, La cocaïne NE protège PAS contre le #COVID19.” This, of course, roughly translates to, “No, cocaine does not protect against Covid-19, and that guy in the men’s bathroom may have been lying.”

The post goes on to say that cocaine is an addictive drug that causes adverse and harmful effects. Currently there is no coronavirus cure, and the best way to stop its spread is to wash your hands and stay home if you’re feeling sick. Cocaine may sound cool, but when you boil it down, it’s not all it’s cracked up to be.

With so much disinformation going viral, governments are being forced to act. The New York Attorney General recently slapped a cease-and-desist on televangelist Jim Bakker for selling a fake coronavirus cure. Local municipalities have been increasingly worried about festival crowds: SXSW has been canceled, Ultra has been postponed, and it sounds like Coachella may be next. Stay current with our updated list of events cancelled due to the epidemic.