TV execs have been loving the idea of remaking classic films for the small screen lately. But some things should just be left to be admired in their cult status, like the dark and comic world that was 1988’s Heathers. Lo, as Spike TV transitions to Paramount Network, they’ve gone and ruined everything by reimagining Michael Lehman and Daniel Waters’ twisted tale as an overtly millennial, misguided series.
The first trailer for Heathers 2.0 premiered today, and it’s worst than we’ve imagined. Gone are the Queen Bs that ran Westerburg High School, replaced by the “body-positive” Heather Chandler (Melanie Field), the “gender queer” Heather Duke (Brendan Scannell), and, I don’t know, the dark skinned Heather McNamara (Jasmine Mathews). Chandler seems to run everything, but with little regard to why anyone follows her lead besides the fact that she’s simply the biggest jerk of the bunch. Plus, there seems to be a bit of mark missing when your antagonists are the inclusive identity sorts but your protagonist is now the conventionally attractive blonde Veronica Sawyer (Grace Victoria Cox).
And if you were hoping there were at least some quotable gems like in the original, be prepared to express your shock and awe with the soon to be trademark phrase, “Oh… my… clit.” Um… edgy?
Watch the preview up above, and get ready to tune out when Heathers premieres March 7th on the Paramount Network.