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Coachella 2016 Festival Review: From Worst to Best

on April 18, 2016, 4:30pm
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Calvin Harris


Let’s not mince words: It was the worst headlining set in Coachella history. Quantifiably and objectively worse than the previous champ, Drake’s stiff turd of a performance last year. Calvin Harris’ utterly pointless 70-minute finale to an otherwise consistently solid day dotted by very few crap turns was so nearly a complete waste of time and money that it was easy to imagine far more ludicrous Coachella headliners who would nonetheless be more entertaining — El Bieber, for starters. Not that anyone among the massive crowd (surely the largest ever on the Polo Field) would agree. They just kept on dancing and cheering for an exceptionally ordinary mix synced to a ginormously generic light show. They didn’t care that T-Swift didn’t come out for a couple songs, like so many were hoping Harris’ girlfriend to do. Doesn’t matter, because look! There’s Rihanna! Up on that platform by the sound booth! Like Kanye was five years ago! She’s even kinda singing! Couple lines, at least. Well, who cares if it’s mostly fake? The whole thing’s fake. Only positives about it were the fireworks and the rings of lights on the speaker towers. Looked cool. The rest was passé bullshit. Seriously: “Eat. Sleep. Rave. Repeat”? How played out is that? Where’s Daft Punk when you really need ’em? –Ben Wener


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